This post originally appeared on The INA’s Weekly Brief, April 7, 2014. Reprinted with permission.
By now many nannies have heard this unsettling statistic: 90% of child sexual abuse happens to kids by someone they know… not by a stranger. Yet, so often the “stranger-danger” concept is the only safety strategy parents and caregivers review with their children. And it doesn’t work. In fact, it’s doing a disservice to kids because it’s distracting them from the reality of whom they (and you) should be paying more attention to. Here’s why:
- Unfortunately, most often a “predator” or molester is someone close to your family circle. Someone you trust, someone charming, someone who’s continually seeking access and private time with your child. Sometimes that person works with children and singles one out for extra attention. Or it may be a relative, a family friend, a coach or other person who interacts with the kids. It can even be an older child or teen who has a preoccupation with a younger child. Stranger-danger isn’t going to work here!
- Even when it is a stranger who seeks out a child, that stranger will most likely appear friendly, charming and outgoing… often enticing a child with an interesting lure or trick. They may even tell that child their name as way to “break the ice.” Kids think strangers will be scary or someone who seems mean or villainous. Your child’s stranger-danger radar may not kick in, even when it should. Stranger-danger isn’t going to work here!
- Kids see us talking to strangers every day… at the market, the bank, the park, a restaurant. We engage with people we don’t know all the time, it’s impossible not to and most strangers are not dangerous to begin with. So… stranger-danger simply doesn’t make sense.